22 Things Happy People Do Differently

 

There are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a person living in the slums of a third world country could be happy and content. I have spent plenty of time amongst both groups to have seen it first hand. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves.

The question is: how do they do that?

It’s quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that they …

1. Don’t hold grudges.

Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.

Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges.

The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.

There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

5. Dream big.

People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others.

Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9. Get absorbed into the present.

Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

10. Wake up at the same time every morning.

Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

11. Avoid social comparison.

Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely.

Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

13. Never seek approval from others.

Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen.

Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships.

A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate.

Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well.

Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

18. Exercise.

Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

19. Live minimally.

Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

20. Tell the truth.

Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others’ trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

21. Establish personal control.

Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed.

Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

 

Cross posted from Successify

20 Ways to Maintain a Positive Attitude during Job Search

 

 

Like many thousands of other people, you have been thrust into a situation that you probably didn’t want to be. For many, it can be a devastating experience. Do you find yourself struggling to cope with unwelcome emotions of fear and hopelessness? If yes, this article is for you.

 
Positive Mental Attitude
It introduces you to several key concepts which will help you to use your innate power to walk through this period in order to achieve incredible success and it illustrates unique ways to harness, focus on you, your personal inner calm and your power.

A major feature of unemployment is that it is one kind of cross-roads in your life and only you can choose which direction you take. There are very few opportunities like this in your life. Paradoxically, while you may not have chosen the redundancy or lay off situation, it has delivered the opportunity for you now to choose your future direction. However, realising this is crucial because you have to first maintain a positive mental attitude and use the same positive attitude to do a job search.

While maintaining a positive attitude is vital to a successful job search, there will be times when you get discouraged. It may seem impossible to revive that positive energy level. But there are many things you can do to bring your good outlook back to life and keep it in good shape.

Think of the following tips as a crash course in job search CPR – Cheerful, Positiveness, Resuscitation.

1. Remember to feel good about yourself.

This is the key to a positive attitude, and all the points that follow are ways of helping you feel good about yourself. No one can feel good for you. Reach out to that wonderful place inside you where no one else has control of and bring it to the surface and let it radiate through your being.

2. Talk positively about yourself and your abilities.

Don’t talk yourself down. Be very positive about yourself. Think about all your achievements in the past and be happy about them. Pe proud of yourself and let it show in your talk, walk and the way see life. You know the story about the little engine that could, right? What you believe about yourself is the foundation of all your future actions.

3. Take charge!

Only you can do it, roll up your sleeves and take charge. Be present, be accountable and be ready. Accept full responsibility for your life and your job search. It is not up to your partner, mother, father, girlfriend or boyfriend, or your aunt Tania in Godknowswhere to find you a job. Although it is important that you expand your circle of influence by networking like there is no tomorrow and your network will be a definite help, but YOU are responsible for the success of your job search so learn to be a superstar job seeker.

4. Let go of regrets about the past.

Instead of blaming yourself or anybody and constantly rehashing past mistakes, take the opportunity to learn from the past. Build on past experiences to improve yourself and your abilities. Waste no time on unproductive thoughts and things. Be pragmatic and live in the present with a focus on a new beginning.

5. Stop worrying about the future.

While you don’t want to live in the past, you also don’t want to live in the future. Worrying is a habit, and you can change the habit if you really try. If you find yourself stuck in a negativity rut, shovel yourself out by focusing on your hopes and dreams rather than on your fears.

6. Flatter yourself.

The job search is no time to be humble. Make a list of every positive feedback that you ever received and why. Read every complimentary thing about yourself that you can find. Letters of praise, past awards, performance appraisals, or any other positive recognitions you have are good ways to remind yourself of your worth and talents. Paste these things on a wall or a bulletin board in your work area at home to boost your spirits whenever you feel a little down.

7. Start each day on a positive, upbeat note.

The start of your day will set the tempo for everything that follows. So it is important that you do something every morning that will put you in a good mood, whether that is taking a walk, walking your dog, listening to some upbeat music, twittering, blogging, running, doing a crossword, or just relaxing with a good cup of coffee or tea.

8. Get physical!

Don’t vegitate on a sofa with a remote in one hand feeling sorry for your self. You’ve heard the saying, “healthy body, healthy mind.” Keeping yourself healthy and in good physical shape. This will boost your energy level and make it easier to maintain a positive mental attitude.

Exercise regularly.
Eat a well-balanced diet.
Get enough sleep.
Chill out with positive friends and not the ones that will talk your emotions down.
Turn the volume of your music up and dance but don’t disturb your neighbors.

9. Create a schedule and stick to it.

Knowing what you are supposed to do each day can prevent you from feeling lost or bored. Sticking to your schedule as closely as possible will provide focus to your job search.

10. Keep up appearances.

Turn your cool and professional swagger on. While nobody expects you to wear a suit and tie every day on your job search, try not to dress too casually. Keep your work space and living space neat and tidy. Set a positive framework for your job search.

11. Take a team approach to finding a job.

Even if the team is only two people, it is helpful to have somebody else to share ideas with and to review your progress on a regular basis. Talk to your former colleagues and share tips. Talk about what success will look like and how to get there. Go for a drink and discuss in a happy environment.

12. Accept your cycles.

While it is important to maintain a positive attitude, it’s unrealistic to think that you will be 100% positive forever. The trick is not to get down on yourself when you get down. Set a time limit on how long (15 minutes, for example) you will allow yourself to stay down when you feel a little depressed.

13. Join a professional group.

If you are looking for a job in a certain profession, join LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook. ‘Follow’ the company, ‘friend’ them and ‘like’ their products. Comment on their recent developments and follow their news. However, be professional at all times. Joining an association can be an excellent way to keep up to date on developments and trends. It will help you develop your network and put you in contact with people that have interests similar to yours.

14. Keep growing.

Continue to develop your skills and knowledge while looking for work. Do this by:

• Taking a class.
• Attending free webinars
• Taking part in Twitter (professional) chats
• Attending conferences, workshops and seminars.
• Reading pertinent articles on the web
• Creating a blog of your own
• Subscribing to RSS feeds
• Subscribing to trade magazines.
• Reading the newspaper and other current-affair magazines.
• Doing volunteer work that uses the skills and knowledge you want to use in your next job.

If you are not immediately successful in finding work, you might start to question your skills and qualifications. Keeping on top of the skills, knowledge and trends in your field will make you feel positive about your ability to do the type of work you want to do.

15. Don’t take rejections personally.

Very few people land the very first job they apply to or are interviewed for. Your attitude really depends on how you look at things. You can see a job rejection as a personal attack on your abilities or character, or you can see it as an opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself.

16. Do it now, don’t delay.

Procrastination is a sure way to lower your self-esteem. Nobody actually considers putting things off as a positive trait, do they? The more you delay, the more depressed you will be when you realize all the things you have left to do. On the other hand, doing something every day will make you feel like you are putting in a real effort and you will feel good about yourself.

17. Attitude is contagious.

Surround yourself with supportive, positive people. Walk away from naysayers, or emotional vampires. Don’t let them drain you of your positive energy.

18. Reward yourself.

Make sure you take time out to relax after a day of job hunting:

• Go to a movie with a friend or watch a movie at home.
• Have your favorite snack at hand.
• Read a book.
• Take a walk.
• Do anything else that you find enjoyable and relaxing and that will take your mind off job hunting.
• Chat on your phone
• Spend time with a loved one

19. Talk to someone.

You might feel really burned out, angry or frustrated after a long, unsuccessful job search. Or you might reach a stage where you want to give up looking for work altogether. At this point it might be a good idea to talk to a trained professional, such as a the Citizens Advice Bureau, a psychologist or a counselor that can help you sort out your feelings.

20. Keep a smile on your face.

You might feel like there is nothing to smile about at times but make an effort to keep a smile on your face. Life is good because you are still alive and kicking. You can walk about and look for jobs, you are not defined by your current situation. It is just a phase that will surely pass. No one can get you down except yourself. Cheer up and love life!

cross posted from Catherine’s career corner

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know. You Know?

Have you ever applied for a position and think to yourself “I don’t stand a chance. This job is way over my head but I might as well apply?” First off, good job, for being confident and ambitious enough to apply for the position. But what happens if you get a phone interview? I’ll get to that in a moment.

If you are trying desperately to find a job, just casually looking for that matter, you need to treat the process as though it is a job. Here are some tips on how to organize your search.

1. Keep a book, note pad, Excel spread sheet, whatever is available to you and track ALL of the positions and companies you apply to.
2. Beside each entry document the main job duties that are in the description. Then make note of the parts of your resume that you believe are most applicable to the position.
3. If you are able to get contact information for any of the positions, make sure you document that as well.
4. Continuously update the list and put the positions you are most interested in at the top. Date when you applied to them so you know when to follow up on your application.

Now, back to the position you have no chance at getting. You have a chance. In many cases job descriptions are carefully crafted by Human Resource departments and don’t always give an accurate depiction of the nuts and bolts of the position. Refer back to your organized list and see what information you already have on the job. Then, look over your resume and put yourself in the recruiters’ position. Ask yourself; “Why would this resume make me stand out?” Chances are there skill sets that have been identified in your resume that has gotten you to the opportunity to interview.  Take the items on your resume that align most with the job description and make not of them. You will need to refer back to this information during the interview.

At this point you still don’t have a good idea of the position and the phone is about to ring. It’s OK. Breathe. When the recruiter calls, it is absolutely OK to inquire further about the position. Here is an example of what you may say…”I want to make sure that I am able to provide the best answers possible. Could you tell me what the 3 most important responsibilities are?” This can help you tailor your answers to what they want to hear.  Without this information you will find yourself in a position where you don’t know what you don’t know.  You know?

 

 

The HR Recruiter

The HR Recruiter has over 3 years’ experience working in Employment Services and Human Resources. He is currently working on his Masters of Science in Human Resource Development at N.C. State University. He is also a member of SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management). 

Listening to Complainers Is Bad for Your Brain

Exposure to nonstop negativity actually impairs brain function. Here’s how to defend yourself.

 

Do you hate it when people complain? It turns out there’s a good reason: Listening to too much complaining is bad for your brain in multiple ways, according to Trevor Blake, a serial entrepreneur and author of Three Simple Steps: A Map to Success in Business and Life. In the book, he describes how neuroscientists have learned to measure brain activity when faced with various stimuli, including a long gripe session.

“The brain works more like a muscle than we thought,” Blake says. “So if you’re pinned in a corner for too long listening to someone being negative, you’re more likely to behave that way as well.”

Even worse, being exposed to too much complaining can actually make you dumb. Research shows that exposure to 30 minutes or more of negativity–including viewing such material on TV–actually peels away neurons in the brain’s hippocampus. “That’s the part of your brain you need for problem solving,” he says. “Basically, it turns your brain to mush.”

But if you’re running a company, don’t you need to hear about anything that may have gone wrong? “There’s a big difference between bringing your attention to something that’s awry and a complaint,” Blake says. “Typically, people who are complaining don’t want a solution; they just want you to join in the indignity of the whole thing. You can almost hear brains clink when six people get together and start saying, ‘Isn’t it terrible?’ This will damage your brain even if you’re just passively listening. And if you try to change their behavior, you’ll become the target of the complaint.”

So, how do you defend yourself and your brain from all the negativity? Blake recommends the following tactics:

1. Get some distance

“My father was a chain smoker,” Blake confides. “I tried to change his habit, but it’s not easy to do that.” Blake knew secondhand smoke could damage his own lungs as well. “My only recourse was to distance myself.”

You should look at complaining the same way, he says. “The approach I’ve always taken with complaining is to think of it as the same as passive smoking.” Your brain will thank you if you get yourself away from the complainer, if you can.

2. Ask the complainer to fix the problem

Sometimes getting distance isn’t an option. If you can’t easily walk away, a second strategy is to ask the complainer to fix the problem.

“Try to get the person who’s complaining to take responsibility for a solution,” Blake says. “I typically respond to a complaint with, ‘What are you going to do about it?’” Many complainers walk away huffily at that point, because he hasn’t given them what they wanted, Blake reports. But some may actually try to solve the problem.

3. Shields up!

When you’re trapped listening to a complaint, you can use mental techniques to block out the griping and save your neurons. Blake favors one used by the late Spanish golfer Seve Ballesteros during a match against Jack Nicklaus–a match the crowd wanted Ballesteros to lose. “He was having difficulty handling the hostility of the crowd,” Blake says. “So he imagined a bell jar that no one could see descending from the sky to protect him.”

Major League Baseball pitchers can sometimes be seen mouthing “Shields on!” as they stride to the mound, he says. He adds that his own imaginary defense is “more like a Harry Potter invisibility cloak.”

A related strategy is to mentally retreat to your imagined favorite spot, someplace you’d go if you could wave a magic wand. “For me, it was a ribbon of beautiful white sugary sand that extended out in a horseshoe shape from a private island,” Blake says. “I would take myself to my private retreat while people were ranting and raving. I could smile at them and nod in all the right places and meanwhile take myself for a walk on my private beach.”

Blake first saw the picture of the island in a magazine, and the image stuck with him. Eventually, he got a chance to try it for real. “It turned out the island was for rent, and it was the same one I’d seen,” he says. “So I rented it for a week. And I got to take that walk.”

 

Minda Zetlin is a business technology writer and speaker, co-author of The Geek Gap, and president of the American Society of Journalists and Authors. @MindaZetlin

Cross posted from Inc.

 

What Does “Overqualified” Mean, Anyway?

Of course rejection hurts, but to tell your friends and family (and yourself) that you were turned down because you were too skilled or too experienced is much less bruising on the ego than the alternative. For companies looking to eliminate candidates, using the word “overqualified” may take some of the sting and fear of retribution out of the rejection. But is it true?

Think about this scenario for a second. You are trying to hire a new employee and you estimate that someone with five years of experience should be able to handle the duties effectively. A candidate is presented with fifteen years of experience that has all the attributes you are seeking. This person should theoretically perform the tasks quicker and even take on some additional workload. Do you really think a company would not hire this person simply because he/she has those additional years of experience? I would argue that is rarely the case.

What can overqualified actually mean?

Overpaid

If your experience is greater than what is required, it generally becomes a problem when your salary requirements are above what is budgeted. It’s not that you are classified as overpaid in your current role, but that you would be overpaid for the level of responsibility at the new job. I list this as the most likely culprit because I often see companies initially reject a candidate as overqualified, then hire that same person because of a lack of less experienced quality talent.

Stagnant

Candidates who have worked for many years in a technically stagnant and regulated environment will often not thrive in less regulated, more technically diverse firms. The conventional wisdom, right or wrong, is that you can’t release the zoo lions back into the jungle once they’ve been tamed.

Overskilled

If your skills are greater than what is necessary for the job, an employer may fear that the lack of challenges provided will bore you into looking for more interesting work in the future. Hiring a tech lead to do bug fixes could lead to a short stint. There is emerging evidence that shows skilled workers do not exit less challenging jobs quickly or in high numbers, but hiring managers are not quite ready to abandon the traditional line of thinking.

Threatening

If your experience is greater than those conducting the interviews, there could be some fear that you could be a competitor for future opportunities for promotion. If a start-up is yet to hire a CTO, the highest geek on that firm’s food chain may be jockeying for the role. This may sound a bit like a paranoid conspiracy theory, but I genuinely believe it is prevalent enough to mention.

Age

Ageism is a real problem, but in my experience, ageism is also widely overdiagnosed by candidates who think the problem is their age when in actuality it is their work history. Most of the self-diagnosed claims of ageism that I hear are from candidates who spent perhaps 20+ years working for the same company and have not focused on keeping their skills up to date (see stagnant above). I can’t say that I’ve ever heard a claim of ageism from a candidate that has moved around in their career and stayed current with technology. The problem often isn’t age, it is relevance.

So if you are an active job seeker that is continuously hearing that you are overqualified, what can you do to improve your standing?

1. Rethink: Try to investigate which of the meanings of overqualified you are hearing most often. Is your compensation in line with what companies are paying for your set of qualifications? Do you present yourself in interviews as someone who may become easily bored when your work is less challenging? Are you making it clear in interviews that you want the job, and you explain why you want the job?

2. Retool: Make sure your skills are relevant and being sought by companies. Invest time to learn an emerging technology or developing some niche specialty that isn’t already flooded.

3. Remarket: Write down the top reasons you think a company should hire you, and then check to see if those reasons are represented in your job search materials (resume, email application, cover letters). Find out what was effective for your peers in their job search and try to implement new self-promotion tactics.

4. Reboot and refresh: Take a new look at your options beyond the traditional career paths. Have you considered consulting or contracting roles where your guidance and mentoring skills could be justified and valued for temporary periods? Are there emerging markets that interest you?

Terms like ‘overqualified’ and ‘not a fit’ are unfortunately the laziest, easiest, and safest ways that companies can reject you for a position, and they almost always mean something else. Discovering the real reason you were passed up is necessary to make the proper adjustments so you can get less rejections and more offers.

Dave Fecak is an independent recruiter and consultant that specializes in working with software firms primarily in the Philadelphia area. Dave is also the founder/JUGmaster of the Philadelphia Area Java Users’ Group. His blog isJobTipsForGeeks and he tweets at @jobtipsforgeeks.

Think about it…

Knowing how to think empowers you far beyond those who know only what to think.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) May 19, 2012

10 Ways to be a Terrible Intern

Sometimes, to get your foot in the door, you have to do an internship to gain experience.  Here is a great tongue-in-cheek column about how to be a terrible intern.  That means DON’T DO THESE THINGS!!!

1. Ignore criticism and continue doing things your way. Why listen to professionals who are successful and know what they are doing? Instead, do things the way you—with no professional experience—think they should be done and assume everyone else is wrong.

2. Sit around and relax while you wait for your next assignment. Hurry and finish a task and then avoid your supervisor until he or she notices that you aren’t doing anything. That way you can get by with doing the least amount of work and have nothing to show in your portfolio.

3. Give half an effort—it’s only an internship. You might be an unpaid intern, whose work isn’t expected to be perfect. So why try? Sloppily get things done and show your supervisor you couldn’t care less.

4. Huff and puff over grunt work. Throw a fit when you’re given less meaningful tasks to complete. That way you will show your supervisor you can’t complete small tasks without having a tantrum, so you aren’t ready for larger, more significant assignments.

5. Don’t ask questions; instead, assume you will do it right. When you get an assignment that you don’t understand, just guess and never ask for clarification.

6. Constantly refresh social media sites on your computer and smart phone. Obviously, your social life is more important than anything else. End of story. If you are asked to complete an assignment make sure you refresh Twitter at least seven times before getting started.

7. Just get up and leave when it’s time for you to go. Never check in with your supervisor when you are about to leave because he or she might give you more work to do. Instead, the minute it’s time for you to leave, just charge out the door without saying a word.

8. Don’t make friends. Be mean to everyone and roll your eyes or ignore anyone who is nice to you. If you must communicate, be short and emotionless in your response. It’s not important to make friends, you are here to complete an internship and move on.

9. Talk all the time and share every detail of your life. Stop whoever walks by your desk and tell them about your friend’s sister’s cousin who recently broke up with her boyfriend. It doesn’t matter that you’re at work and trying to actually, you know, work.

10. Never say a word and sneakily linger around others. Sneak around the office without being noticed. If you are asked your opinion in a meeting, pretend you are mute. That way they will never know if you have a good thought or idea.

So, careless interns, if you wish to gain absolutely nothing from your internship experience, except for maybe a few gruesome recommendations, follow these tips closely. And don’t forget to scowl at your supervisor every morning.

[Editor's note: Unlike the people described in this article, Megan Skelly, the author of this story, has been described as a "dream intern" by her superiors.]

Megan Skelly is a senior PR and Advertising major at Ball State University and will be graduating this May. Megan served as the 2012 spring B2B PR intern at BLASTmedia in Indianapolis. A version of this story first appeared on the BLASTmedia blog.

Confidence vs. Shyness

Artwork by James Victore

As a design professor at the School of Visual Arts, each semester I do an impromptu survey of shyness in my class by simply asking who in the group believes they are shy. Inevitably, at least three quarters of the students raise their hands… albeit only shoulder high. I don’t believe this phenomenon is limited to students of the visual arts, but do other professions like accountants or TV repairmen suffer from this? Are we all shy?

Shyness is not genetic. At least it is not proven to be. There is no gene for it. It’s my belief that it’s cultivated within us, by environment, by family and just dumb luck. As a child, I was terribly shy. I don’t believe I was born this way. As the third of three children, I was always introduced as, “This is my baby, the shy one.” And thus I became shy. A habit was born. I was told by authority that I was shy, and I began wearing it around like I owned it.

Unfortunately, as an adult I found this habit does not serve me well. As a designer and lecturer I frequently find myself on stage or in front of a camera and have to “play” someone who is comfortable being there. Years of practice have lessened my fears, but I still have to summon the courage to walk confidently to the podium.

I was told by authority that I was shy, and I began wearing it around like I owned it.

I have come to believe that shyness is more a habit than a hard-wired personal quality. Similarly, confidence has always seemed like one of those ambiguous traits, like willpower or intuition, that can be practiced, exercised and strengthened, like a muscle. But just like any physical exercise, it’s always hard and takes constant work. And, more importantly, constant awareness.

My own definition of confidence is “being there.” This means being in the moment and acting with intention, not distracted by second thoughts or being “in your head.” Not listening to your inner critics or assuming what others are thinking of you, judging or presupposing “their” reaction instead of just moving forward—and confidently.

In my own life, defeating my shy default setting is something I have to deal with every week. In my professional efforts to teach to a broader audience, to answer questions and give advice, I have had to take a big step out of my own comfort zone with weekly short videos called “Q+A Tuesday.”  Prior to each taping session begins a regular and tedious laundry list of inner-trepidation and self-doubt. My inner critics start in with, “I’m too dumb/ugly/ young… It won’t be good/work… They will laugh/not watch/cast stones….” You may be familiar with the conversation.

Confidence means being in the moment and acting with intention, not distracted by second thoughts or in your head.

Why do we get so caught up in this “too much thinking?” What’s the worst thing that could happen? The answer is failure. Most of us are so afraid of failing that we don’t even risk it. And what’s worse, risk and rejection become something to avoid at all costs. A habit is formed. We close doors that may lead to opportunities and stop putting ourselves out there for other people to respond to. This fear of rejection is normal. Everyone shies away and has moments, or extended moments, of self-doubt. But the fear is also a test, it means you are onto something and you should pay attention to it and not shy away.

The doubt comes not only from the inside, from your own personal critics, but also from without via our friends, family and well-wishers whose concern it is to keep you out of harm’s way and within your—or possibly their own—comfort zone. Here you need to trust yourself, lean into the fear, and resist the “be like us” mentality from a society that wants you to fit in.

Your pursuit of personal greatness challenges others to fear for their own causes, their own battles and pursuits. Your freedom is a reminder of their own imaginary restraints and limitations. Yet, for others, your confidence will be a beacon. People follow conviction, assertive advice and brave leaders, and there’s nothing more powerful than a confident man or woman.

Trust yourself, lean into the fear, and resist the “be like us” mentality from a society that wants you to fit in.

The point is not to create a protective, alternate super-ego or some indomitable spirit within, but being conscious and in charge of the fear that tends to run our lives. To be comfortable with who we are, comfortable with the fear and comfortable with doubt. Confidence is accepting fear and self-doubt as part of our lives, and not living under it.

Confidence comes from a place of abundance and wealth. It gives us the courage and freedom to move forward, to ask for help, to ask for more, to ask for what you deserve. To be able to begin before you’re ready and have the willingness to fail. And to be cool with failure as well.

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This opinion piece comes from artist/designer James Victore, who has been ignoring the status quo and lighting fires under asses for 20+ years. You can learn more about him in this 99% interview, and follow him @jamesvictore.

7 ways to change your life in the next 7 days

Life change may seem to take years to achieve but there are steps you can walk today and in the next week that perhaps can change your life forever.

Most are little steps, but when combined together they can create big and lasting change.

Here are 7 ways to change your life in the next 7 days.

1. Change your words and phrases

One of the most effective ways to change your life is to change your attitude and mindset. And the best way to change your attitude and mindset is to remove certain words and phrases from your vocabulary and to replace them with others that are more positive.

It might take some time to remove negative phrases and words because you’ve gotten so used to them. But once you start using new words and phrases that are more positive, you’ll be surprised at how almost instantly people around you react differently and how you look at the world around you in a fresh way.

Your entire life changes without you having to change everything.

Here are some words and phrases to stop using:

- “It’s just one of those days.”

- “Same s**t, different day.”

- “Same old, same old.”

- “Pretty good.”

- “What’s the world coming to?”

- “Kids these days.”

- “I can’t.”

- “I don’t know.”

- “The good old days.” (Suggested by Lyved reader Tyler)

- Hate – It’s such a powerful word that has become too common in our vocabulary.

- Retarded – I don’t know why people insist on using this word to describe something they don’t like or understand.

- Gay (Requested by Lyved reader Max based on the same negative use as “retarded”)

For some ideas on what you can start saying to improve your life and make lasting, positive change, please read our article: 50 things to say before you die.

2. Count your blessings

We all get caught up and forget to reflect on how fortunate we are. So in the next 7 days take an hour and think about:

- What you’re glad to have experienced – sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s a bad experience, but it’s shaped who you are. For me, one thing I’m glad I experienced was poverty.

- What you’re fortunate to have – family, food, shelter.

- What you’re fortunate to not have – it could be sickness or debt.

3. Dust off your bucket list

Take out your list of things to do before you die and find something you can do in the next week. Or write something new down and do it.

4. Wake up claiming the Best. Day. Ever.

One day can positively change your entire life. And that one day needs to start with one good morning.

During the next 7 days wake up claiming that it will be the best day ever and try your hardest to maintain that attitude all day.

5. Try something you think you’re bad at

Perhaps you think you’re horrible at singing, writing, basketball, or some other talent. But perhaps you’ve just never really given yourself the time to attempt and if you do, you might find a new talent for yourself.

6. Declare your life’s purpose

It can certainly be done in a week with focus and a bit of work.

To help you, here are two articles you might be interested in reading:

- 5 easy pieces to piecing together your purpose in life

- What do you want on your headstone?

7. Recognize change happens constantly

Every single day your life changes no matter what. Even if you go through the same routine over and over again, no two days are ever the same. Recognize this and even the days of adversity and pain will become bearable because you know that “good new days” lie ahead.

 

Cross posted from lyved.com

Are You Suffering from the Job-Search Blahs??

That warm and wonderful holiday haze is long gone; so there are no more excuses for putting-off your job search!  The good news is (we’re being told) that the economy is improving…and that more jobs are opening up:  I know…I can hear all of you saying:  “Sooooo, where are they??!!

REMEMBER:  Looking for a job is a full-time job; so you have to WORK at finding the right job for you!   Most importantly, you have to plan your work to be successful.   If you don’t have a daily job search plan and schedule in place, you will find yourself wandering around aimlessly; doing projects around the house, wasting time on the computer, watching TV, etc.  Suddenly the day is gone…you’ve accomplished nothing on your job search…you feel guilty and your stress level goes through the roof.

You have to plan your days, your weeks….and work your plan to get a job. Schedule time to make phone calls (cold calls and follow-up calls), search for job leads using online job search resources and to complete online applications.  Set your alarm every day, get out of bed and get dressed (professionally)!  Come to Career Connections to check the Job Boards, to update your resume, for help in practicing for your interview, to research companies—and to network with fellow job seekers.  Seek out job fairs and networking opportunities, schedule time at JobLink centers and the ESC office.  Be sure you’re taking advantage of all job search resources.

Become an expert in all of these strategies.  If you do, you will be successful in your job search. You never know where the right job lead will come from, so be sure to cover all your bases—every week!  Happy Hunting!!

Ruth Owens

Career Connections Specialist